“The First Woman To Do It, The 438th Person To Do It.”

Man and woman are not enemies.

Translating “Fatherless Brooklyn”

with one comment

Fatherless Brooklyn

by Jean Railla


“Angie Lieber sat in front of the Gorilla Café in Park Slope, Brooklyn, talking to a new friend whom she had met through her parents’ synagogue. Both single moms by choice, they conversed easily, swapping breastfeeding stories and comparing pediatrician notes.  (‘Single mom’ is a euphemism meant to muddy meaning, normalize, provide cover, as if words could hide consequences. And ‘by choice’ is a euphemism meaning ’by FAIL.’  And they’re doing what women have done for 10,000 years.  The more they claim change the more they stay the same.)  Soon they moved to heavier stuff: the decision to become pregnant without a partner, and the complications of getting impregnated by an anonymous donor.  (‘Partner’ as a word choice is divisive and separating and minimizing, and it’s the reason men don’t want to stick around, even if they don’t realize it.  Maximize men!  People are transmitting ideas and verbiage like viruses they don’t even realize they have.)  As the afternoon slipped by, the women shared a truly post-modern epiphany: their daughters were half-sisters. Incredibly, they had both had selected sperm from the same man. (What kind of Franken-science got us to this point?)


‘The coincidence is freakish, but the underlying story speaks to the growing number of women who are choosing to have children outside of marriage.   (AKA fail.  And let’s use some euphemisms and let’s gloss over it and let’s make it empowering and let’s make failure a success. )  In 2004, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, 36% of babies in the United States were born to unwed mothers. (If it’s a white girl she’s ‘unwed’.  Write it so she sounds like she a victim of someone not wedding her.  And if someone tries to use the active voice and put a dab of responsibility on her shoulders call it ‘blaming the victim.’  If the words make her feel good then the cold reality won’t have to make her feel bad.)  In cities like New York, the number is close to 50%. (Cause NYC ladies love the intercourse.)  A significant percentage of these single moms were not stereotypical disadvantaged teenagers, for whom child-raising would be a deep financial burden, nor high-powered executives, who could easily absorb child-care and other costs, but rather typical middle-class working women.  (FAIL has now reached all demographics, good news!  If we just change the verbiage then everything is great.  The children aren’t bastards they’re a lifestyle choice. And having a child is no longer the epitome of disadvantage or a messed up life, now that women can do no wrong it’s a-ok.  And who needs dads?  They’re just assholes who make you go to bed early.)  This new breed of single moms make their decision to have children neither as a grand political statement nor as a last resort, but because they don’t want to miss out on the emotional experience of giving birth and raising children.  (“Panic, selfishness and narcissism.  THAT’S who your father is honey.”)


‘For Angie, the single mom from Brooklyn, motherhood has always been a priority. As she explains, “My yearning for a child ran so deep I didn’t wait to get married.” (That is such twisted logic you can hear the desperation in it.  Sophistry and sour grapes to cover up past failings will not help you here.)   And while there were men she could have said yes to, she didn’t feel like any of them were good marriage — or father — material. (Bids for her golden vagina weren’t high enough.)  One month after her thirty-seventh birthday she visited a sperm bank — as she puts it, “the ultimate shopping experience.” (And we all know shopping is the most important thing to shallow women.  So this really is a compliment.)  She chose one of the few Jewish donors she could find, and was inseminated. Her daughter is now twenty months old.   (And isn’t old enough yet to wonder where her dad is.)


‘When asked about the hardships of raising her daughter by herself, Angie starts by saying: “Most single women are people who are comfortable with pushing through things. They don’t fall to pieces. I’m comfortable being and doing things alone.” (AKA: I’ve been alone so long I’m used to it.  Instead of cats all over the house I’ve got a bunch of babies.  How different are the two really?)  That said, the challenge is not so much the lack of a partner — although she’d like to fall in love and get married. (Maybe if I’m really passive about it and seem as bland as possible, a man will drop everything and marry me and my child.)  Rather it’s the bills. Between daycare, rent, clothes and daily living expenses, there is very little money left over at the end of the month. As she puts it, “I knew it would be a financial hardship, but I chose to have a child over an expendable income.” Her “ultimate shopping trip” would, as it turns out, be one of her last for the foreseeable future.  (Why can’t a man come along and pay for everything?  Life just isn’t fair!)


‘As for needing a husband, observing the marriages around her, many with women doing the bulk of childrearing, Angie wonders how helpful it would ultimately be. “There are very few times that I think to myself: ‘I need a man.’ (Obviously you need a man:  you insist on being in this article and you keep mentioning you want a man.  You crave attention and you’re sad a man hasn’t been as taken by you as you are by your self.)  Mostly it’s when I’m faced with the cost of nursery school.” (I’m a whore that needs money.  Daddy?  Are you around?)  However, she still sometimes wants a partner. “The reality is that I have emotional needs, and I’d like to be in love, to have security, someone to grow old with.”  (You’re already old, you can check that off your To-Do List.  Do you have anything to offer a man at this point?  I guess men ought to be more selfless and marry you as a tax write or something?)


‘”There has been a sea change in how single moms are viewed,” says Louise Sloan, author of the book Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom, herself a single mom by choice.  (That’s not true actually.  Everyone is talking about you behind your back whilst you have your little sea change.)   Whereas social stigma may have dissuaded women even a decade ago, such censure is increasingly uncommon today.  (That’s a lie of convenience.  We still joke about you behind your back.  And as usual you do nothing out of ethics or morality, you do it according to social opinion.  You are a moral boat adrift.)  While it is generally agreed that divorce, as well as an unhappy marriage, can damage a child’s sense of well-being, a 1997 study conducted by Cornell University found little or no evidence of negative academic or behavior effects on the children of single moms. (Right.  Jail and pole dancing are filled with Masters Degrees and happy people.)  With donor insemination easier than ever and Generation X devastated by their own parents’ unhappy marriages, the trend towards single parenthood will most likely continue to increase in the future.  (Yeah, a marriage strike will really show those men who’s boss.  Men will just have to content themselves with banging 23 year old girls looking for a father figure.  To bad these single Moms will have to do their thing with no one paying attention.  Will their tree still make a sound if no one is there to hear it?)


‘Beth Saidel, a university administrator, never dreamed of becoming a single mother.  (No one dreams of being a failure and then being interviewed about it in an attempt for attention.)  “When I was younger,” she says, “I did not think I would have to choose between being a mother and having a partner.” (Younger, as in 23 or 35 or 42.)  When, at forty-four, she found herself dating a man who didn’t want kids, she went through an intense period of self-evaluation, deciding that having a child was more important to her than being with a man.   (Oh whoops!  She found herself dating him!  Oh goodness, who puts this man here!  Not her fault!)  She was told her chances of conceiving were slim because of her advanced age, conception becomes much harder after forty, and other health issues. (She wasn’t told this until 44, somehow that information didn’t make its way to her desk until then.)  Undeterred, she was successfully inseminated on her first try. (Romantic.  This is what the poets have sung songs to for so many generations.)  Nine months later she gave birth to her son, Oliver.


‘”It takes a college to raise a child,” was the toast raised to Beth by her colleagues at Barnard University. (This strange non sequiter is so rich in such a variety of ways.  All women’s school, prime suspect of all those worst clichés, stereotypes and suspicions.  Feminists wouldn’t be accused of seeming like lesbians if they didn’t act the part so much.  That poor child.  What?  What about him?)  Fortunately for their little family, the university provides exceptional daycare and flexible hours for working parents, and Oliver is welcome in this progressive work environment. (We didn’t take the woman out of the kitchen, we brought the kitchen to the workplace.  Must be great for productivity.)  In addition, Beth lives in a large apartment complex in the Chelsea neighborhood in Manhattan, which has a great community vibe. “The truth is, I have tremendous support in my life,” says Beth, who continues to lead an active social life, albeit one with toddler in tow.  (Oh thank goodness, we mustn’t spare the active social life.  That’s what got her the fulfilling life she was seeking in the first place.)


‘It had never occurred to Kimberly Forrest to get married or have children until she turned forty, when she started to feel a stirring for the sort of intimacy and fulfillment she noticed in parent-child relationships. (Wow, she stayed a virgin until 40?  And she never noticed all those people around her as well?  No need for human companionship?  That’s strange but go for it girl!)  A writer living in a tiny apartment in the West Village with a stray pit bull mix named Fanny and a bevy of friends and interests, she explains, “It wasn’t so much that my life felt empty, quite the opposite, but I started seriously considering that I might want more.” (Snarkiness aside, a family is a meaningful situation.  There are lifestyles that are shallow and ones that are more profound.  Why not go for profound right from the start?  Why does the shallow lifestyle appeal so much?)  Then, two weeks after her forty-first birthday, and five months after she had begun dating her personal trainer, she discovered she was pregnant.   (Passive voice again, not to nitpick.)  “I never considered not having this baby,” explains Kimberly, currently nearing the end of her pregnancy. (Horrible Christians!  Always letting their beliefs get in the way!)  Nor did she consider matrimony. “Getting married, at this point, would feel desperate. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to bring my daughter into that sort of arrangement.”  (Word.  Why stop at desperate, when you could have desperate, cornered, victimized, and struggling all at once?)


‘”Of course, I’m scared,” says Kimberly, “But I feel like I have a lot of support.” (No one judges her.  Not even to her face.)  While Kimberly is carrying the brunt of pregnancy and hospital costs, she was uninsured at the time of conception, Luis, the baby’s father, is attending childbirth and parenting classes, and plans on being involved in his daughter’s life, both financially and emotionally. (As long as she wants him to be and if she says stop it’s rape and if he decides not to be then she can sue for backing payments.  So needless to say, he plans on being involved.)  Her friends are pitching in, coming to OB/GYN appointments, throwing her a baby shower, and planning on coordinated daily visits once the baby is born. (Uck, the whole neighborhood has to cluck around in a panic all because she couldn’t keep her legs closed.  And you wonder why progressives hate breeders so much.  One woman’s crises is an entire neighborhood’s problem.)  Luis’s mother has been organizing a second baby shower for the couple. (Everyone will bend to little Kimmy’s will.  You want me to marry your son?  Leave me alone, I’m pregnant!)  Even Kimberly’s own parents, whose conservative Christian values don’t exactly jibe with the idea of a single woman raising a child on her own, are pitching in.  (Even those fucking assholes are putting down their bullshit superstitions for a few minutes to throw their daughter a bone.  Even those fucking morons with their magical bearded old men in the sky.)  And while her apartment is a tiny walk-up, leaving the city is not an option. “This neighborhood is where my people are, where I have all my support, my friends and my neighbors. I’d rather die than move to the suburbs.” (Backspace that – she’d rather her baby die than move to the suburbs.  From pollution, crime, small apartments that will stunt their growth, and sideswiping taxis.)  Besides, Clare, Kimberly’s elderly next door neighbor, would be crushed if the new mom and baby left the building.  (Are you serious?  The buck stops with Clare?  She’s of a higher consideration than Dad and the dead baby?)


‘Knock Yourself Up author Louise Sloan makes a distinction between single moms by choice, donor or adopted babies, and single moms by accident like Kimberly, although I believe the differences are minor. (Uh oh, bitches be getting an opinion about each other and be getting’ all bitchy yo.)  While in the distorted universe of movies like Knocked Up, the word abortion is never muttered, in the real world, particularly among the urban middle class, ending a pregnancy is always a viable option, much more so than marrying someone whom you either don’t know well enough or don’t particularly want as a life partner.   (Yeah when a man creates the narrative babies get to live.  When women create the narrative babies get their shit chopped up like cabbage in a cole slaw.  The urban middle class will put an end to that life, watch out!)  And while adoption and donor insemination require more money and planning, every single mom, at some level, is making a choice.  (Women have lost the plot so bad, they will spend $100,000 to get pregnant and then go to Planned Parenthood for an abortion.  They’re not even sure why.)


‘Indeed, what is truly remarkable about this single mom trend is that women are refusing to either give up having children or settle down into an unhappy marriage. (That’s the spirit, start the idea of marriage with how rotten it is.  Then say how awesome it is that gay people are doing it.  There are many ‘truly remarkable’ things in these ladies’ ideas.)  They are, in essence, saying: “I want the job, the career, and the power that comes with all that, but I also want to experience domestic joys — of raising a child and connecting to something larger than myself — and if I can’t find a partner, I’ll do it anyway, even though it will most likely mean a substantial economic burden.” (That’s a mouthful.  Sounds exactly the way their brain must echo and rattle and race and binge eat.  Notice the children are hardly mentioned in the article.  These poor kids are in some deep trouble.  And their job equals power?  I thought a job equaled black lung disease.  Ladies love power, way to contribute to the greater society…)  It comes down to this: women have built strong networks of friends and support systems independently of marriage. (AKA the lesbian revolution.)  They no longer have to settle for partners who, for whatever reason, lack suitable qualities. In a strange twist of the old standard, contemporary men may simply not be “marriage material.”   (Oh is that what this is?  It’s not a panic at the age of 40, its men who are assholes for banging 23 year olds with no commitment instead of marrying their leathery ass.  That’s rich.)


‘Rather than pine for Prince Charming, single women are using the skills they have developed from over a decade of working, socializing and building their lives to create a new idea of family.  (Mom, Dad, the government, and your lesbian friends: the new Husband!)  It would be an oversight to say that single moms by choice are soldiers for some gender cause, but there is something truly progressive about women taking a stand for the domestic, for children and the joy parenting brings to your life, even if it means giving up some of the benefits of being single without gaining the financial and emotional advantages of marriage.  (You’re not an Old maid you’re a revolutionary!  Yesterday’s fail is today’s succeed!)  And while they are indeed raising children without husbands or partners in the traditional sense, they are not raising their families alone. Now that one can shop for sperm, as one would a pair of Louboutins, and social pressure for shotgun marriages is on the decline, women are finding that they are “doing it for themselves.” Maybe this is the real revolution.   (Quick!  Quick!  Summarize a profound change in civil society with a little pop culture catch phrase!  You go girl!)”


End Thoughts:

Everything women do is now empowering, perfect and awesome.  Do not question!

The need for male attention is still there, that’s why they’re being interviewed.  As a substitute.

Why do I care?  Well, as with all propaganda, they’re asking me to change my mind to match their’s uncritically.  Well I have some questions before I sign on, sorry to be a pain.

Why do I care?  I care the same way I would if I saw a Mom beating her child at the grocery store or if I saw a kid kicking a dog.  I see a lack of truth, so my smooth gets wrinkled I guess…

Everyone knows this is a bunch of nonsense and everyone knows they’d rather have a husband and everyone knows they’re lying here.  That’s all I’m saying.

Yesterday’s failure is today’s success!

There is no counterpoint to this article, no voice of dissent, no disagreement.  What a nice utopia.


Written by Common Sense

January 18, 2009 at 10:46 pm

Posted in Good News

One Response

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  1. Stella

    January 20, 2009 at 11:42 am

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